WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE

I called my ex today to get some information regarding Las Vegas. He pulled the same shit he always pulled. We haven't spoken in a week so of course he says, "I was going to call you..." HE says shit like that all the time.

"I was going to do this..." ... "I was going to do that for you..." but he never does it. When I spoke to him today he made it seem like I was being mean to him because I was not acting all happy to talk to him and hear about his move and because I told him "Well good luck with that move.." it meant that I was being an asshole towards him!

WTF! HE IS SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE!! "I was going to call you.." well then why didn't you just fucking call! Why after the fact do you say shit like that! Just don't say anything. If you don't actually perform the action..why the fuck do you bring it up!!! GOD I can't stand it!!! I can't stand how he just acts all fucking happy because he heard from me..and I should feel the same damn way!!

I knew it was a mistake to call him....I guess I just wanted an excuse to hear his voice, but goddamn I hate him now..I hate him so much..but I still want to hear from him..I still love him but I can't fucking stand the shit he pulls at the same time!!!!

Who the fuck says shit like "I was going to call you" for a week I didn't call him..and you mean to tell me..now when you hear from me you say, "I was going to call you!" what a fucking damn ass fucking fucking fucking prick!!!!!!!!!!!

He emails me a map of Las Vegas and he feels like he is doing me a huge favor..like he treated me like shit the past few months we were together..but now ..oh my god...I emailed you a map..so you should be thanking me and be grateful that I am picking up your calls! Mind you...I called him and he didn't fucking pick up the phone...but I need to be grateful he called me back! GODDAMN..I wish i could just erase his fucking image from my mind.

You know I do believe it is true that if you broke up with someone you need to date someone else to get over them. I was not going to do the "Lisa's Quest" thing...anymore...but I think I will start it because for me to really get over the fucking asshole I need to date someone to take my mind off the fucking asshole.

So for my quest, I was going to do a time limit..but that is ridiculous I will just leave it open and try to go out more..to clubs and events in the city..and travel. The trip to Aruba was great with my family and I am going to Las Vegas so that will help with my quest. Just chatting with someone in Las Vegas would be more interesting than me thinking about who the asshole is fucking now.

I just need to stop calling him. I need to realize that if he doesn't care that he hasn't heard from me in a whole week then I shouldn't care about him either. It hurts so much for him to be so nonchalant about not hearing from me and actually happiness in his voice like his life is wonderful. It's funny, he has hurt me so much in the past 6 months and it is like my brain can't register that I should not keep going back to being hurt.

I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me anymore!
I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me anymore!
I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me anymore!
I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me anymore!

If he ever decides to call me again, I will be fucking happy! I will be not let him know how I am really feeling and I will act like it is the fucking best day of my life that I am having without him in it!

I need to write that like hundred time on scrap paper...let me get to it! =)