Okay, since my ex-dumped me I have been pretty bummed. A couple of weeks ago we met up and he was still undecisive if we should get back together. So, he first told me that he wanted to get back together but when we met up he changed his mind because we had two separate disagreements around the time we were to meet up..so of course Mr. Asshole..decided you know what I don't want to try this again.
Fine, whatever, now he just wants to be friends. Of course I do not agree with just 'being friends' because that really is telling me you can tell me you were in love with me for 3 years but now 'oh...you are just a friend'. It is so much of an insult and the asshole can't understand the reason why 'being just friends' is insulting to our past relationship. When we met up a couple of weeks ago it was terrible for me..I ended up crying into my lasagna during our dinner. At the end of that, out of pity(well, he states 10% out of pity) he decides..yeah we can try it again. Well, when someone just wants to start something with you because they feel sorry for you, it kind of is a total turn off. And of course his pity(and not asking my calls) made me feel like shite. So, I told him I would just try to be friends..and that was a disaster for me..it made me feel like that thing that is below shit...let's call it shit scum. I can't be friends with a guy that I loved for 3 years..I hung out with his friends and knew some of their future plans then now...he talks about friends..like I am suppose to be happy for his friends who are getting married. Don't get me wrong, of course, I am happy that two people are getting married but I don't want my ex to be telling me good news. I feel like crap because he dumped me and he is talking to me like we are best mates and he is so elated about the marriage. I should just be happy about him being happy. Fuck that!
So, in our last meaningful conversation, last week sometime, I told him I did not want to be his friend. I just couldn't do it...him just calling me whenever he felt like it..or just returning my phone calls or picking up my calls whenever he felt like it just pissted me off and made me feel like I was nothing to him. Him telling me news about how he is going to be moving out of his place and going somewhere else. Now, tell me, how is my ex telling me his is moving to a new place where he will find new girls to date, suppose to make me feel? I just didn't want to have to hear him talk about stuff like that. Even just regular conversation stuff with him would depress me..no affectionate in his words...but he wants to heal, so calling me when he feels like it helps him I guess.
In the end, it was always about his needs anyway. Not about me meeting his mother or about him spending some quality time with my parents or answering his phone when he knew I was in pain from an operation that was very physical and emotionally draining on me(of course when I mention this to him..he just tells me I should not bring it up because it was in the past and I need to get over it) I hope all his future girlfriends have to go through the pain that I had to in that operation. I know that is totally mean..okay I take that back i should leave his future bitches out of this..but that fucking bastard has no idea what I went through.
Maybe someday I will tell everyone what I went through..because that is pain that fucking bastard can not imagine and for him not to even pick up the damn phone even if he though i was going to lash out at him..just makes me want to cry again..but I won't give him the pleasure of telling me again "Dont bring that up, it's in the past, get over it."
He didn't give a shit about what I wanted or what I went through. Yep, I'm still bitter and I will hate what he did and how he acted towards me for years and years and years..okay forever. I am a nice person but there are situations that people just can not forgive..and what I went through after my operation and for him not even to try to see me or pick up the phone when I was in need of him...I can not forgive that. And for him to throw my operation aside, like I went through nothing, that is what really hurts the most. Even if I wanted to hurt him the way I was hurt..I can't even imagine how I could do that(if you have any ideas..email me *laughs* joking I don't want to go to jail because of that fucking asshole).
So, I am trying my best to get over him..and that is what this post is really about:
MY QUEST FOR A DATE!!!!
My ex told me that last time we spoke he didn't give a shite if I was dating anyone..he was just pissted if I was dating someone so soon after the breakup. What the fuck is that about? You dump me and you are fucking considered that I am dating someone? Why? you don't want me...so why can't I move on the way you moving out and moving on. Fuck him, he didn't want me when he had me.
So, I was playing my favorite game WoW and I was doing one of the many shite quests in the game. A shite quest(I am just calling it that) is a quest where your character has to find shit or actually make shit for some gold or items in the game. You wouldn't believe how many of these quests are actually in the game. I don't know why I was thinking of my own quest while doing these quests but whatever.
So my own Quest which I haven't thought of a kewl name for it yet so it is just called "Lisa-Quest-For-A-Date" ..yeah that's catchy *laughs (I'm terrible with naming stuff)
So I think I am going to give my self a time limit with this. And some rules. hmmm...I will plan it out some more before posting the details.
No comments:
Post a Comment