Since, the bastard who needs to die a painful, terrible death dumped me on our anniversary, I have been on a good handful of first dates.
Going on these dates, in the back of my mind I have been grossed out about kissing. When I think about kissing now I get grossed out. When I was with the fucking-bastard-who-really-needs-to-get-hit-by-a-truck, there I didn't have a problem kissing. At first, I thought it was me who was grossed out by being kissed by these guys. I thought I was turning into a lesbian! There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian but I like the penis too much.
Then I realized something. I can count the number of boyfriends and dates I have had that I enjoyed kissing. So I am not a lesbian but since the breakup, I have been kissing guys that do not know how to kiss!!! No wonder I am grossed out by thinking about kissing some other guy. Since the breakup, I have not found a guy yet that I actually want to kiss and he actually knows how to kiss a woman.
I have had to deal with:
1) The slobber- one who feels necessary to lick lips so that I have to wipe off saliva and goes ape crazy with his tongue in my mouth. Figure out what to do with your tongue then get back to me- total gross fest!!!!
2) The lizard - one who likes to poke their tongue into my mouth like a lizard. - not fun!
3) The zipper - one who only likes to kiss closed-lipped or only opens his mouth a little bit. Kind of like a quick kiss but multiple times. - Waste of my time!
4) The vacuum - one who believes that a good kiss has to do with them trying to suck out the saliva from your mouth. Yeah, thanks for the gesture, dude..but I kind of need some of that stuff.
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I remember the best kiss I ever had, and it wasn't with the fucking-bastard-who-really-needs-to-get-butt-raped, thank god or it wouldn't be such a good memory. I was on a date with a guy and we were in his car at a park. We were chit-chatting, nothing big about something obviously not important or I would have remembered it to bore you with the details. Anyway, I was responding to his question and was turned slightly away from him, looking out in front of me. He gently cupped my face, (not grabbed, not pulled turned roughly) I SAID gently cupped my face, he then looked into my eyes (not at my chest, not at my lips but into my eyes) and slowly moved toward me (not quickly! but slowly) and gently laid his lips upon mine. It wasn't a fast kiss or slobbery or closed-lipped. He knew what do with his tongue without going ape shit and trying to suck my mouth dry. It was a nice, gentle french kiss, mmm..just remembering it helps me not be grossed out thinking that decent men cannot kiss.
