It's over

I have been dating this guy for that past 3 years and we broke up on our 3rd year anniversary. He had doubts regarding our relationship. He felt I wouldn't change enough for him or that I just wanted the right person for him. For 3 years we were dating about 4 months ago he was telling me we were going to get married and he wantd me to have his kids. He lied to me! He fucking lied to me! Then when after 6 weeks when he finally wants to met up he tells me he is on the fence regarding our relationship. He doesn't know if he wants to end it or not. He doesn't want to totally end it because he would feel horrible and bad for me. He told me how he wanted to meet this Xmas so that he can give me is final decision. Who the fucks breaks up with someone on Xmas! How could he be that cruel was I that terrible to him?

YOu know two major things happen to me in November and late October and he was not physicaly here for either of them. On both occasions he would have had to drive 3-4 hrs to get to me so I felt bad and I told him he didn't have to come. So, he didn't. He just called and sent flowers the first time. The second time I was really suffering and I was in pain and hurting physically and mentally scared. So, that day I was yelling at him and my emotions were really high. I called him that night and he didn't even pick up the phone. He told me later on that he was watching football with his friends at a bar and he didn't want to have to deal with me. Wouldn't you think that after your g/f had some very serious happen to her that even if she was yelling at you, wouldn't you pick up the phone? He didn't even care enough to do that.

The last day I saw him he told me how much he loved me and he didn't wan to hurt me but still he didn't really care. When someone is breaking up with you and they tell you they feel horrible, it is not because they still love you it is only because they know they are being the bad guy. He told me how he felt horrible and that he loved me and I was his best friend. Who breaks up with their best friend the day before their anniversary and tell them they want to see them for Xmas?
It will be easy for him to move on. He lives by himself, he is good-looking and intelligent and he always goes out to clubs. He always said I was anti-social and even one time during a fight he told me I couldn't do any better than him. I really feel that he is right. I will never be in another relationship because I can not deal with this rejection. I will never get married and have kids and grow old with someone.

Even after all that I went through with him. I still can't stop crying and I am dying to call him or hoping he will call. What is wrong with me, why can't I stop crying and move on like he already did.